Opinion: Freya Mallard on Parenting in the Arts

Freya Mallard image courtesy of Lily Marriott PR

I’m a true believer that life is best when there's just a thin sprinkling of chaos in the mix. So naturally when I set my sights on doing my stand-up debut at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2024 I couldn't think of a better time to start my family. 

Performing a work-in-progress show at the Fringe in 2023, my career was in a really good spot (six years of experience under my belt and a social media following of over 100k) and there was no reason not to start planning to bring a debut hour the following year. Knowing full well I also wanted to try for a baby I didn't see any reason why one should have to negate the other.

When my partner and I (fellow comedian Tom Ward) discovered we were expecting I did the maths in my head, double-checked I wasn't at least due to be delivering mid-August (even that would be too crazy for me) and warned my agent. 

With the Fringe fast approaching and my baby only just fitting into three month old onesies, some of the things I’ve already learnt about keeping a career going in the arts as a mother are:

Grandparents are gold dust! In fact they are a hidden currency probably stronger than the pound. 

Parent life is full of CONTROVERSY. For every choice you make there is someone who thinks you should be locked up for even considering that style of parenting. Gen Z’s are the only group who are so afraid of causing offence that they won't stray from asking a question any more risque than “Is it going OK?”, followed by profuse apologies. 

Being the primary caregiver gives you terrible main character syndrome. No one knows the baby quite like you which is affirming but paralysing. I find myself looking out at a living room full of relatives sighing that every single one of them has entirely useless nipples. I thought I’d feel like a grown-up becoming a parent but having to ask for permission to grab a quick shower muddles that message a bit.

Similarly to having a shower, getting back out to work has become a group project. While my partner is able to dash out to perform at the Comedy Store or do a work-in-progress show as far afield as Birmingham with relative ease; I on the other hand need a freezer full of milk just to unshackle myself from the wee bab. I literally arrived back at my first gig post-baby with an entourage of four.

Another thing I did not consider is you’re so often dividing and conquering in order to both get rest that you and your partner can become like ships in the night. Often only communicating in sleep deprived mumbles as you come off and onto ‘shift’.
However lastly and what everyone has enjoyed telling me profusely. Babies do provide you with no shortage of content to draw from. Be sure to catch me already turning all my stories from the newborn trenches into material in my hour The Bounce Back at the Pleasance Courtyard 4.35pm.