Perfect Day: Gwyneth Goes Skiing

Gwello. My name is Gwyneth Paltrow and I will take you through a day in Gwedinburgh that will make you laugh, cry a number of times, sweat, dance, get a shot and have many epiphanies. I Shakespeare-in-Love theatre, so the Fringe is a very special place for me.

I no longer sleep, but I do meditate horizontally in my bed for eight hours every night with my eyes closed. Once my eyes are open, I begwin my day.

6am 

I always start my day with an ice bath. As we’re in Scotland in the height of summer – that means a dip in the sea at Portobello Beach.  

6.30am

I awaken my body further with a quick climb to the top of Arthur’s Seat. I have to stay in shape as I’m training for an Iron Man with Robert Downey Jr. An Iron Man is a triathlon where a total of 140.6 miles are run, swam and cycled. 

6.40am

I attend my first Edinburgh Fringe show. It’s not so much a show as it is two pigeons picking on a piece of bread. Effervescent. Five stars. 

7am

Using my latest Goop products for my speedy daily skin routine.

10.30am

I make my famous Boyfriend Breakfast for my then boyfriend, and now husband Brad Falchuk. He used to produce Glee you know. That’s how we met. I won an Emmy for my guest role in Glee. Not that awards matter of course. (Unless they’re Edinburgh Fringe awards and they’re given to the hit show Gwyneth Goes Skiing, that is.)

11am

I go to Princes Street for a quick visit to the Apple Store. I call it the Apple Store as my daughter Apple loves shopping there, it’s actually called Claire’s, and we find some gwonderful accessories. 

12am

Lunch time. Bone broth from Barnacles & Bones in Old Town. Yum. 

1pm

Being an A-list Hollywood Superstar and Goop founder can be tiring. As I walk along a quaint old street called the Mile, numerous fans run up to me, all wanting to hand me pictures and sheets of papers. I sign them all and graciously return them, kindness is a highly valued Paltrow attribute.

2pm

I send out my Goop newsletter that includes my pick of the Fringe for the year. My pick this year is Bangs.

2.30pm

I put on my headphones and go on a silent disco walking tour. Which means I walk around Edinburgh by myself, listening to the sound of whales, mountain goats and Coldplay. 

3.30pm

I attend a performance of Gwyneth Goes Skiing at the Pleasance Courtyard. I find it beautiful, moving and strangely relatable. I’m gooped – there’s nothing else like it.

5pm 

Grabbing a coffee from The Hideout Café on Upper Bow. They only sell oral coffees, enema not available, but it’s still nice.

6pm

I watch a man play a bagpipe. It makes me think of those less fortunate in society. To some of those, these noises would pass as music.

7pm

Dinner time. Bone broth with a side of jade eggs at Hula.

9pm

The evening rain soaks the city. The cobbles getting so slippery that people are sliding everywhere. Like doors.

11pm

I end the day by consciously uncoupling from reality and enjoying a performance of Diana: The Untold and Untrue Story at Pleasance Courtyard. Wow, Princess Diana really is stunning, we could be sisters. I wish her well.

And there we go guys. It’s time for me to get in bed. This has been fun.