Sam Lake on Spotting a Daddy

So you’re in Edinburgh for the Fringe and you are desperate to find yourself the hot new accessory, a Daddy. Someone with that commanding but considerate, caring energy and a nice dadbod to boot. Scotland has top quality Daddy livestock. Until recently it was led by someone with overwhelming big daddy energy, Nicola Sturgeon. (Don’t question it, you know she was Daddy). 

First, head to The Meadows, the lush green space often adorned with circus tents in August. On a hot summer day, the Daddies will be out in force, manning a barbecue bare-chested, in true “taps aff” style. Introduce yourself to one and ask for their opinions on smokeless charcoal. They’ll love it. They might even let you hold their spatula and flip a burger as they guide you from behind, like a meaty version of Ghost. DO NOT approach those guys whose thing is walking between two trees while balancing on a wobbly tightrope thing. That’s not Daddy energy, not even uncle energy.

Next, head to a good barber’s or men’s hair salon, like The Players Lounge on Rose Street. A Daddy’s calling card is his facial hair. The beard is the rug of the mouth. The ‘tache is the curtains of the lips. Hang around outside and look for any man with a chin that says “Rest your head on this and the pain will go away”

Daddies have a uniform. And what rhymes with Dad? Plaid! Well, when you say it out loud it does. Get to Armstrong & Son, a gorgeous vintage store in Grassmarket and head straight to the men's section. You're looking for any man with a crypto lumberjack kinda vibe, like at any point he might need to liquidate his ethereum AND build a log cabin.

Trust me, follow this advice and you’ll be Daddied up in a heartbeat. You could also come to my Fringe show, Aspiring DILF, if you need anymore guidance. (Shameless plug? That’s Daddy energy).

Happy Daddy hunting!