The Big Quiz with Josie Long

In her latest show, Josie Long reveals her adoration of quizzes. Here, Fest grills her on some of her specialist subjects, including the Enlightenment, astronomy and Lidl

feature (edinburgh) | Read in About 3 minutes
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Published 22 Aug 2008
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102793 original

1. In astronomy, what are Eris and Makemake?
Hmm… It could be new planets, because there’s been new planets and that’s very exciting. But it probably isn’t. New solar systems? I’m such a novice at this stuff, it’s ridiculous.
A: Plutoids (new category of dwarf planets, including Pluto)
Ah, okay. It does feel strange that Pluto’s not a planet any more. I know it’s arbitrary, it doesn’t matter, it’s still there. But the pneumonic doesn’t work any more – Merry Victor Eats Many Juicy Strawberries, Until Pain. My grandpa taught me that one.

2. What’s the oldest museum in the UK?
The Musaeum Tradescantianum. Yeah, it is – it’s a cabinet which is on display within the Natural History Museum in Oxford and it’s the oldest travelling cabinet of curiosities you can find. What did you say, huh? The Ashmolean? The Ashmolean can go fuck itself.
A: The Ashmolean
I can tell you, clear as day, the Musaeum Tradescantianum is the oldest cabinet of curiosities – I mean, it’s not really a museum, but I think I should get a half-point for that.

3. Who was the first man ever seen on Channel 4?
Was it Richard Whitely?
CORRECT
I knew it! I like Whitely. I’m not going to say I love him, because I don’t think it’s fair to love people in a kitsch way. But, you know, he was a perfectly unassuming man - no, he was cool. It’s a shame to lose people like that.

4. What company very nearly got called Shwarz Markt¸ or ‘Black Market’?
Okay, so I guess it’s a German company… Adidas?
A: Lidl (the founder was Dieter Schwarz)
Oh no! I should’ve guessed! I should’ve thought about the show! Why would it have been Adidas? What an idiot!

I’d like it if it was called Black Market, though – that would make it much more illicit. It does already feel like a sort of strange, underground display of German goods.

5. Which Enlightenment thinker said this: “Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made?”
I think it will be a French one… maybe Voltaire, or Rousseau. I think it will be Voltaire, because he said snarky shit like that. No? Okay… It wouldn’t be David Hume, he’d be like, “human beings are alright by me, give ‘em a go!” Immanuel Kant is too early, he’s not really Enlightenment. It would have to be someone fucking churchy… I don’t know.
A: Immanuel Kant
Oh, it was! Okay, I suppose that makes sense. He does say you have to try to sort of cobble together doing the right thing.

6. How tall is John Terry to the nearest inch?
5’11”?
A: 6’1”
That’s pretty close! I don’t like him because he doesn’t play for Arsenal. My boyfriend supports Arsenal so I make it my business to know trivia about it, because he finds this endearing.

SCORE: 1.5 / 6

That was a good quiz, it was properly difficult and it showed that maybe I haven’t been thorough enough in my research for the show. Thanks!